it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
