Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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