he thought i was a dude.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
