You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
