The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
