A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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