Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
