problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
