If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
