sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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