I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
