All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
