so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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