$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
