none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
