I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
