dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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