don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
