my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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