the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
