its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
