He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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