It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
