I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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