So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
