your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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