I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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