I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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