nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
