i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
