I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
