Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
