Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
