he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
