i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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