I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
