one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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