I looked at my own cervix.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
