I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
