Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
