I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm at about main and main street
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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