Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
