Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize