Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
