Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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