So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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