I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
