i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
