U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
