real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
