Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
