Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
