yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drunk is a universal language darling
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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