Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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