the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
