Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
