I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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