i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need moral support for this bender
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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