We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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