Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
