i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
