I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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