I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
