I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
