I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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