my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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