why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
