Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
