The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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