This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
